The war of words between Kansas and Missouri escalated over the weekend, with
sharp exchanges between Kansas governor Kathleen Sebelius
and Missouri governor Bob Holden. From an undisclosed location in
his traditional family stronghold of Columbia, Gov Holden issued a
press release accusing Kansas of having a biological weapons
program. An aide to the governor, speaking under conditions of
anonymity, said the (expletive) Jayhawkers were suspected of trying to develop
a bacterium that would cause barbecue sauce to spoil. Faculty members in
the Biology Dept at the University of Kansas were unavailable for comment, and
shades in Haworth Hall were tightly drawn.
The Kansas governor went on local TV to vehemently deny the
charge, and in turn suggested the existence of a secret chemical weapons
stockpile hidden in the Ozarks. She demanded that a US weapons inspection
team be dispatched at once. "We want to see what's in those
limestone caverns," Ms Sebelius said.
The border between the two states was tense, as
crowds on either side of State Line Road in Kansas City chanted and hurled
rocks and bottles at each other. I-435 remained open,
but the familiar "Welcome to Missouri" sign was nowhere to
be seen.
In Washington, DC at an emergency session of the US Congress, Sen Kit Bond reiterated Missouri's long-held
position. "Missouri wants peaceful relations with all its neighbors,
even Kansas." Sen Bond added, "It is
plain for all the world to see, we have no
chemical weapons. It is all a bunch of fertilizer."
Several congressional observers privately agreed with this assessment.
Kansas claims that the Kansas Highway Patrol has
intercepted shipments of chemical weapon "precursors" en route from
Colorado to Missouri. Possession of such weapons could permit Missouri to
dominate its neighbors, possibly restricting access to
Missouri riverboat casinos and charging excessive room rates in
Branson. A grim-faced aide to Gov Sebelius
said, "The consequences of such a move would be enormous.
We pray it doesn't come to that."