When my sister Katt was 16 she made the heart wrenching and painful decision to give up her newborn son for adoption. She was only 16 and she felt the only way she could make sure that her baby had a life worth living was to give him to parents who could love and provide for him in a way that she could not. This didn't mean that she didn't love her baby. On the contrary, I felt then and still feel that what she did took a measure of love that only a mother could feel. The pain of making that choice stayed with her for years. I don't think she ever stopped thinking about him. Like many mothers who have given up their children she would look at every face of every boy of the proper age that passed her and think, "Is it you?"
On Andy's 18th birthday she began her search. At first she was hesitant. She feared that if she did find him that he would be angry and reject her, that he wouldn't want to have anything to do with her. But with the encouragement and support of her family she kept searching. Finally, in 1998, just before Andy turned 23, she located an e-mail address on the internet that she thought with a high degree of certainty was him. I remember her anguish and fear. She discussed it with a supportive group of women we both belonged to on the 'net that had our own minature listserv. The overwhelming feeling was that she owed it to him to at least make the means available to him to contact her if he desired.
On a warm day late in June she e-mailed him. She put her post in a neutral tone, stating that she was a friend of a woman that could be his birth mother, but not wanting to intrude unless he desired it. She asked if he knew any details of his birth mother and also asked if there was anything she could possibly confirm for him, if he wanted the information.
His response was almost immediate. The tone of his post back to her was almost desperate. He stated that he had been searching for his birth mother for years, since he had turned 18, and that if she had ANY information about her to please relay it to him. He also gave the details he knew concerning his birth mother to Katt, confirming for her that this was, indeed, her son. Again came the rush of indecision. Should she tell him that there was no "friend" and that SHE was his birth mother? Would he be angry with her for lieing in her first post? With encouragement and common sense her family stood behind her as she mailed off the next post, confessing that she was his mother. She included her home phone number in the post and that night he called her. They talked for hours.
Several days later they met face to face for the very first time. That weekend he came to her home and spent the 4th of July with her and her family. Unlike most adoptees, Andrew has something very rare; full blood brothers. Two years after his birth my sister went on to marry his birth father and had two more sons with him. In his adoptive family he was the younger son. Suddenly he found himself in the position of being the eldest. No one can blame him that he gloried in it a bit.
Andy has since become a member of our extended family. He acknowledges and loves his adoptive family. His adoptive parents will always be his "Mom and Dad". But he has also moved into the circle of his biological family. At last he knows his roots. And no one can deny that the more people there are to share our love with, the better off we are.